Brevity is Jake’s way. Ask him about anything unrelated to the situation in hand and if he’s not short he’s definitely rude. I will tell him about this blog post but he won’t bother to read it. I can safely make some innocuous criticism of him and know he’ll never find out. If he did he’s not one to get mad, he will get even in his own way.
He’s not the kind of person many companies would employ after an interview, little would they realise an interview with him serves only one purpose and it’s not theirs. Small talk and “getting to know each other” is something other people waste their time on. He’s not a people person.
So why does he head up the sales department? Today a customer complained that Jake is not helpful, a criticism any business owner would take seriously, your not going to make sales if the instrument of profit is blunt. And Jake is blunt.
He’s there because statistically he is the best. Combine everyone we have ever had on the sales desk and compare our results with his and he wins hands down each time. If we consider his methods it only adds to the confusion:
Ask him a technical question and he will probably not reply, if he does he’s likely to be sarcastic and point out that if you can read his replies then how come you can’t read the notice in bold and highlighted in YELLOW that states he don’t answer technical questions.- Ask him something you have already asked him, even if it’s 5 years ago, and he’ll tell you to check what he said last time ‘cos nothings changed since then. Get cocky with him and it just gets worse.
- He never spends more than 20 seconds replying (we’ve timed him, we start the timer when his eyes drop to the keyboard).
- He doesn’t bother reading more than 3 or 4 lines of your message. If you ask more than one question he’ll only answer the first. If you ask him why he’ll tell you that your attention span will be lost and you probably won’t notice. He knows this from experience. If the second and subsequent questions are important to you, then you will ask again, but then, they’ll be the first question won’t they?
- You cannot upset Jake, that perhaps is one of his strengths. Say something that you know will upset him, you know the kind of thing, the email that you instantly wish you had not sent. Well don’t worry, Jake knows no evil (well, except Google, he thinks they’re out to get him, we point out that Google’s out to “get” everyone and everything but he still won’t use them).
So what is it that makes Jake so succesful? Are we losing interest in the human element of a sale? I don’t think so. The Internet is a great place for people to get to know you. Perhaps it’s his naive charm? Nah. Ask Jake and he says “I don’t sell, people buy, I’m an order taker not a door to door sales jockey flogging stuff people don’t want.”
In the privileged position that I have as his boss I decided to have a chat with him about it today and this is what happened:
Martyn: Jake, a customer has complained that you are not helpful and [Jake interrupts]
Jake: Yeh, I know who that was, they didn’t like it when I said I can’t help them and they need to go ask on the forum.
Martyn: OK, I’d like to have a chat about the way we sell [Jake doesn't wait for me to finish]
Jake: It’s easy, people ask questions, I answer; they buy or they don’t, that’s it.
Martyn: I was hoping to hear more along the lines of how you do it, what is your secret? How come you sell more than anyone else, especially when some folks appear not to, ummm, get on with you so well?
Jake: Dunno, are we done?
And before I could answer Jake had turned and was answering an enquiry. So there you have it. The indomitable Jake. If he’s upset you or doesn’t answer your questions at least take some comfort knowing you aren’t the only one. If you know what his secret formula for success is please let us know, I think we’d all like to know.
Then don’t do this!
I’m flattered! What have I done worthy of such high accolade? They must have the wrong person so here it is in the hope the right person manages to claim his free Who’s who entry (oh btw gullible fool, would you like to buy a copy of the book in which you will be honoured? Only $100 and will be delivered soon, real soon now…).
Dear Martin,
On behalf of International WHO’S WHO of Professionals, I am pleased to inform you that you have been nominated as a candidate for inclusion in the 2009 Edition. We congratulate you! Nomination into WHO’S WHO is an honor in itself.
International WHO’S WHO has over 20,000 members in 154 countries worldwide. It is the most elite professional network in the world. Our members assist each other daily with business and career opportunities.
It is in times like these that such a network is most valuable and we are seeing members help other members expand their businesses, find new positions, even relocate to another country.
If selected into WHO’S WHO, you will also be listed in the 2009 Edition of International WHO’S WHO of Professionals. This is the definitive work on the world’s leaders in commerce, economics, policy, and trade.
We do require additional information to complete the selection process and we ask that you provide your biographical data by accessing the form on our website at: http://tx3.ssprd10.net/
Our editorial deadline is quickly approaching. I urge you to act today. If you delay, I cannot guarantee the committee will have ample time to review your submission.
Sincerely,
Terrence Leifheit
Chairman and CEO
2020 Pennsylvania Ave. N.W., PMB #504
Washington, D.C. 20006P.S. There is no cost or obligation to be listed in the International WHO’S WHO of Professionals. To ensure your biographical data is received in time, please complete this online form http://tx3.ssprd10.net/ by May 31, 2009. Upon review, our Members hip Selection Committee will be in touch with you.
Members of our Board of Advisors include: Wallid Abdo, CEO, Eurobrokers-Greece; Michael Gondive, CEO, Eastern and Southern African Trade and Development Bank-Kenya; Fehmi Sami, Senior VP, Citibank, N.A.-Great Britain; Yusuf Alami, COO, Abdu Dhabi Investment Company-UAE; Mikhail Zaitsev, Finance Director, Volvo Car-Russia; DR. Jung Kook Paeng, CIO, Hyundai Motor Company, Korea; John Sai Chi Mak, Managing Director, Bulova Watch International, Ltd.-Hong Kong; and Aldo Castelli, President, Shell Brasil, Ltda.-Brazil
Note: If you wish to unsubscribe from International WHO’S WHO of Professionals please click on the link below:
http://tx3.ssprd10.net/
It might take a while for NASA to replace shuttle instrumentation with PHP but who knows what will happen? Search for new innovation and 9/10 it’s been developed with PHP and it’s being offered as open source. With so many examples and so many people writing about it the Internet has become a giant PHP reference book.
It’s a physical reference book I would like to see. Not one that teaches the language, there are many excellent available already. A book that covers every possible subject that does not waste time on history or theory but demonstrates by example. It’s ok to explain the code, line by line if necessary, but the focus should be demonstrating on how to achieve a goal.
With resources such as php.net and the army of third party developers creating the most amazing code to achieve really trickey stuff the book could also avoid teaching you how to do something that’s already been done. A good example is grids. A common requirement and one with plenty of examples online, but there are no independent reviews without the author seeking an affiliate payout.
The book would list popular choices and demonstrate the benefits in a few pages thus avoiding the online trawl. If you know of one please let me know.
For those who don’t know today is the day when English men are supposed to celebrate their Englishness. Unlike Scotland and Wales the Englishmen’s identity is rapidly fading as the UK government doesn’t like the idea of giving them the same kind of independent privileges enjoyed by the Scots and the Welsh.
Not that I’m complaining as it would likely lead to new taxes and one more reason why I may choose not to return. As Britain, aka the United Kingdom is swallowed ever deeper into European bureaucracy the definition becomes meaningless. If there’s anything to be ashamed of it’s the reluctance of our leaders to be proud of our country.
Apparently if we fly the flag of Saint George and show off our innovation or academic excellence we do so at the expense of other cultures. Pride is about achievement, not how much better we are than anyone else. All countries should be allowed to show pride and celebrate their differences. They should be represented by a government who do not fear controversy and place the opinion of their people ahead of their own political ambitions.
The UK government and the civil service is full of cowards whose interest is stirred only by their expenses and pension, and their strategy is to do anything except accept responsibility for their decisions.
I am English and damn proud of it, whether they like it or not.
Enjoy your day!
Martyn
A Brit Abroad
Tags: England
Digital Dave came up with an issue that I had never given much thought to, he wanted to update the icons used by www.police-traffic.com in the tools page. He had uploaded the icons and then began changing the paths manually in the manager. Anyone who has done this before will probably know what a pain it can be. So Dave asked if there’s an easier way, and there is, and here it is; run the following SQL in your SQL Viewer changing the path to your new templates and voila, job done!
UPDATE vtp_menus SET menu_icon = REPLACE( menu_icon, '/templates/standard/images/', '/templates/your-template-folder/images/' )
Tags: SQL
Dave’s been at it again, www.police-traffic.com is themed traffic exchange as you might expect. The inside has a slight naughty twist with a rather unusual villain. Not sure you could call it erotic but certainly sensual!
Dave joined us a couple of months ago to help out in our technology department and it turns out he has an eye for design. He completed his first exchange for us a few days ago and promised here are a few pictures.
He recorded the upload and integration process and has forwarded me the raw video footage which I will put together as a short tutorial over the next few days.
My Address Changes, What’s wrong with that?
As a contractor my address and residency changes frequently. While some may think it’s a flamboyant life moving from country to country, and it does have it’s compensations, it does mean there is really nowhere to call home. It’s likely I will end up in the UK but I have spent less than 10% of my life there so I can’t be sure.
Banks have no trouble with location changes, why should you?
With reference to Wasting time with Liberty Reserve you might be excused for thinking I have trouble with banking and other financial matters. Well, actually no I don’t. I use Paypal, Alertpay, First National (South Africa), Solbank (Spain), the AIB (Ireland). These organisations provide a superb service and handle my requirements without difficulty.
The problem comes with organisations like Digital River and the myriad of company names they hide behind. It started around June 2004, at the time I was in Tenerife Spain when the USA lost it’s battle against the Brussels Tea party and agreed to pay EU taxes. Some Brits have sympathy for the founding fathers and the Boston party of the same name, but unlike Americans we didn’t have a choice.
The result was a ridiculous method of tax designed to disadvantage US business and promoted by Digital River et al. Bold in their quest to kiss european butt they decided to implement recommendations which like the common extradition treaty are yet to be ratified by US govt. Countless millions of dollars have been collected by DR which is supposed to be handed over to an EU authority. It is not that we don’t like to pay, it’s that we want our payments to go to the right f*%$$$ing country! And DR think it doesn’t matter how much we pay either!
Unless Blighty finds a way to fight for it’s rights in europe I probably will not return (hooray I hear Brits shout, their silence is deafening).
Paypal and Alertpay protect my bank accounts
I like the way Paypal and Alertpay block traders from getting my personal details. Who knows who work for the traders you meet online? Large or small there maybe thousands of people with access to that data. How can we know our information is safe? Years of experience with Paypal and Alertpay have given me a growing trust, but small amounts only. My business dependency on them is less than 10%.
High street banks have proven to be less reliable recently, but I know each of my bank managers and I know where they work!
If I want to buy why do you need a copy of a utility bill?
Can you imagine my reaction when asked? The item I wanted cost $29.95. When I asked why they replied “It’s standard policy for anyone using Paypal who does not include their address”. I pointed out they can setup Paypal to provide the address, it’s then up to the buyer to decide whether to go ahead with the purchase or not.
But that request for a utility bill is a shocker, there is so much they can do with it, but why does a merchant need it? It makes no sense.
Fax your credit card
Another favourite is to ask for a credit card to be faxed or emailed. Absolutely bizarre! Why don’t I just hand you the keys to my Maserati while I’m at it? Thankfully this is not asked for that much now with banks reminding customers they are obligated for any abuse of their cards down to incompetent use (such as making copies and faxing them to people!).
All I want to do is buy, please sell me your products, I’m human, not an ATM
Remarkable that all the way through the sales process some companies forget they are dealing with a potential customer and not an ATM. I don’t spit money on demand and I do care how you treat me. Use Share-It, Digital River or any other company that tells me where I am in their world and how much I must pay them regardless of what the software developer wants are loosing more than customers and money, they are flying a flag that shouts “I can’t be bothered”.
And if you are using these organisations successfully and refuse to consider how much better you would do if you didn’t then let me know and I’ll work on a percentage of new business you gain.
There are three ways to make money
Inherit it, Win it, or sell something. So if you have not inherited or won a fortune why make it hard for people to buy?
I had a remarkable conversation with the Liberty Reserve support team which left me wondering if they’re just a scam of some kind. No I take that back, but it certainly felt that way. There are a few stories about them and Wiki mentions a $1 million loss due to a hacker, but what bank hasn’t suffered the same? Tempting to mention the cause for the credit crunch, but I won’t =)
I wanted to know how to get their encryption to work. While I am sure it used to, it doesn’t now. Their own example code proves it.
I had hoped to hear they are working on it, but even if they were just aware of it that would have been enough. Instead their operator treated me like I was a hacker, big words like encryption appeared to bring out nervous responses from him, so I left it.
I opened a support ticket a few days ago and they are yet to reply or acknowledged it. I raised another today but I’m not raising my hopes. While they hold on to millions of dollars they have the power to do and say as they please, and they are exercising that right with an abundance of silence.
I am of course generalising. Liberty Reserve is responsible for wasting my time but they haven’t seen any of my cash, and never will, but they are not necessarily the scam other folks claim them to be. They are certainly not any worse than many of the other payment processors. The lax attitude towards our money is frightening and I wonder why, we the depositors, let them get away with it?
More importantly, and a somewhat tender subject is the “Patriot Act” and “Know your customer” excuses these guys use to get your details. Did it ever occur to you that it’s just as important you do the same? How many times have people been ripped off in Stormpay style scams? Far too many and a few simple checks would have saved them.
Give your personal details to complete strangers?
Why would you give your details to strangers? Some of these payment process even ask for a utility bill and they have no basis for that request in law or common sense. With those details they can go open an account in your name and begin money laundering 10 minutes later. The existence of these companies make it so easy for terrorists to transfer as much money as they want, to where they want and in whatever numbers the like.
Not by using these companies but by operating them. A little complacency on our part or willingness to handover our details means these guys have an easy way to finance their evil deeds, and they appear to do that with our blessing.
If a website asks for your date of birth – refuse
If a website asks for a copy of a utility bill – refuse
If a website asks for any identity details – refuse
And if you think you are safe on a website because it shows a little golden key or padlock remember that is not evidence the company is reputable. You can get free SSL certificates and do not need to prove anything so it wouldn’t take much to setup a payment processor and look legitimate.
How can you safely open a payment processor account?
If they’re legitimate they won’t demand you provide documentation electronically. You may choose to send it electronically but that should only be done after proper due diligence. If you can’t walk in to a branch or post it to an address you can see in google maps then it’s unlikely to be legitimate.
What makes me an expert?
Nothing. But it’s common sense don’t you think?
